Apparently I’ve been living under a sports rock for the last few years, because recently a spate of heretofore unwatchable sporting events has been occupying my lovely widescreen television. Usually during prime time to boot.

For example, when did women’s beach volleyball become so compelling? It’s not like there’s any suspense. We all know who’s going to win. Ditto for synchronized diving. Listen, if a couple of guys want to swim together in barely there speedos, more power to them. But I don’t need to see the subsequent shower and hot tub scenes. Another sport that shouldn’t resurface is water polo. “Marco!” “Crapo!”

None of these really is popular, of course. But that’s not what the NBC Olympic programming directors would have you believe. They’re making it seem like these recreational activities are a quarterback away from their own category on the ESPN crawl.

Now I like the competitive swimming events as much as the next guy. Michael Phelps truly is superhuman. And I’m looking forward to some of the track and field events. It’s just the rest of these intramural ennuis that I could do without. Got that Costas?