It’s been nearly two years since I’ve had a truly great milkshake. In fact, it’s been exactly 681 days. That’s the day Starbucks killed the Fabulous Coffee Screamer shake.

In September 2006, the java giant announced it had bought all 15 local Coffee People locations in my hometown. Coffee People had been churning out great joe and magnificent milkshakes for more than 20 years. But when the Coffee People parent company, Diedrich Coffee Inc. agreed to the Starbucks buyout, not only did they effectively close a local institution, they brought the Screamer shake to a screeching halt.

It’s hard to explain what made this shake so good. It consisted of real vanilla ice cream, real coffee, and little chunks of chocolate. All of this was blended together to create a little piece of liquid heaven. Now I was never quite sure why it was called the Coffee Screamer shake, but I had my suspicions. And so did my bowels. But that was a small price to pay for such frozen fabulousness.

Since the demise of Coffee People, others have tried to fill the coffee milkshake void, but to no avail. The closest imitator is Burgerville’s mocha shake. Unfortunately, it delivers all of the bloating but none of the benefits of the Screamer.

Now that summer is in full swing, I find myself craving the original king of shakes more than ever. Luckiy, I hear the original Coffee People owners have opened a new shop in another part of town, which I’m determined to visit soon. My intestines may not thank me, but my taste buds surely will.