Wells Fargo is upset today. Upset that they had to cancel their Las Vegas employee getaway due to media pressure. Upset that the media “misled” the public about the trip by calling it a junket. Upset that its hard-working employees will now not get to enjoy a lavish vacation in Vegas for doing such an outstanding job approving residential home loans. And they made their frustrations known by expressing them in a full-page New York Times ad.

Know what? I’m upset too. Actually I’m pissed. Pissed that Wells Fargo, after accepting $25 billion in bailout money, would have the nerve to use some of that money on a trip to reward its executives and “hard-working” employees, the same folks who helped nearly bankrupt them, and contributed to the overall economic catastrophe we’re in today.

Here’s how Reuters reported the ad:

“Okay, time out. Something doesn’t feel right,” the ad begins, before attacking “media stories” for creating the mistaken impression that every employee recognition event is a “junket, a boondoggle, a waste, or that it’s for highly paid executives. Nonsense!”

Later in the article, a Wells Fargo rep tries to defend the ad buy:

The ad attempts to compensate those employees for the thanks they will not receive this year at their canceled events, said Wells spokeswoman Julia Tunis Bernard.

Mighty self-righteous, eh Wells Fargo? Of course, the company puts a different spin on the trip in their press release about this fiasco, dated Feb. 3 , 2009:

The event is not a “junket” for executives but a four-day business meeting and recognition event for hard-working team members who made homeownership achievable and sustainable for borrowers across the nation. In 2008 alone, the team members who were invited to this event and their colleagues produced $230 billion in mortgage loans for U.S. homeowners.

Wonder how many of those mortgages are now in foreclosure? The bottom line is, Wells Fargo, and banks like them, just don’t get it. They ran their businesses so poorly, that they needed to be rescued by the federal government, or in other words, we the taxpayers. Spending money on extravagant trips to “reward” employees, many of whom likely contributed to their situation, should not be an option. Likewise, taking out a full-page NYT ad (probably somewhere in the $200,000 range, or likely close to what the Vegas vacation would have cost) to complain about having to cancel such a trip is simply childish.

You’re in trouble Wells Fargo. It’s time you started acting like you were aware of that.

We just got our first big snowfall of the season yesterday and after a day being stuck inside with the kids, we ventured out into the world to stave off a quickly growing sense of cabin fever.

Since the temperatures were still in the 20s today, the snow hadn’t melted on the roads. Rather, it had become packed ice in many places. This means driving was slow going. Not a big deal; that just means drivers would have to pay more attention, right? Wrong! The same shitty motorists who use their cell phones during normal weather were out there today, obliviously blabbing away while they almost took out anyone who was unlucky enough to be in their paths.

I’m just saying, gabbing on your cell while speeding around a left hand turn with one hand on the wheel is roughly as smart as picking Brodie Croyle as your starting quarterback. Chances are, you’re going to get hurt.

Note to anyone who designs forms for websites: if your password field requires a number or at least one uppercase character or a special character or a letter from the Greek alphabet, note that on the f*cking screen. You know, somewhere next to or beneath the password field, in parentheses maybe. Something along the lines of: (At least one number required). See? That’s not so hard.

It’s the holiday shopping season and I’ve come across far too many e-commerce sites that don’t employ this basic usability feature. So, seeing no special instructions, I merrily type in my password only to be greeted by the red error box of shame, telling me I’ve input an incorrect password. Like it’s my fault I couldn’t read the website designer’s mind.

Makes me so mad!

I park in a parking garage every work day. And at least three mornings out of five I get stuck behind “Slow Parking Garage Driver Guy”.

First, let me explain how my garage is structured. After you swipe your card and the electronic arm lifts, you drive up a ramp to the first floor. At the top of the ramp, you are permitted to go only one way, right. This process is repeated for every floor of the garage. Essentially you keep driving in circles as you ascend until you find a spot.

To Slow Driver Guy, this simple process is acted out in an agonizingly turtle-like fashion. Even though you can only take a right at the top of every level, Slow Driver Guy makes a full stop at the top of each ramp, tries to turn left, then realizes his error and turns right, ascending to the next level at a speed relatively equal to that of a blind snail. This is repeated until Slow Driver Guy eventually finds a spot on floor 9 or so, or roughly 15 minutes after both you and he entered the garage.

God forbid you’re late for work, because Slow Driver Guy will guarantee that you don’t make that 8 AM meeting. Plus, Slow Driver Guy is inevitably Self Righteous Guy, because if you dare tail him during your epic journey to find a parking place, he goes even slower on purpose, then flashes you an evil glare when he finally discovers a spot and you roar past him out of frustration.

So, Slow Driver Guy, do us all a favor and pull into the Handicapped slot on level 2. We won’t tell on you, really!

Just when it looked like the McCain/Palin campaign couldn’t get any more divisive after the “palling around with terrorists” and “I love speaking in pro-American parts of the country” statements, they’ve managed to outdo themselves.

In a recent episode of MSNBC’s Hardball, Minnesota GOP congresswoman and McCain surrogate Michele Bachmann conjured up memories of Joe McCarthy when she first accused Barack Obama of being anti-American, then said there were others in Congress that were just as anti-American, and THEN, stopped just short of calling for a witchhunt to root out those un-American legislators:

“What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out if they are pro-America or anti-America,” she said.

So, how does one determine whether one is pro-American or anti-American? Is there a test? Is it determined by the car we drive, or the books we read, or the food we eat? How about last name? Nelson? Yup that sounds American enough. Obama? That sounds a bit suspicious. Come to think of it, Bachmann sounds a little foreign too. Care to show me your papers Congresswoman?

The bottom line is that McCain and Palin have again and again campaigned not on a Country First platform, but on an Us against Them message. They don’t care about this country. They care about the parts of the country who aren’t smart enough to see through them and their hollow rhetoric. We’ve had eight years of that bullshit. We don’t need four more.

But the latest remarks by Michele Bachmann are simply obscene. Has she not read any history? Jesus, the McCarthy era wasn’t that long ago. She doesn’t need to read the WHOLE history book, just the part about the 1950’s when McCarthy thought he was above the law. Hint to Bachmann: skip to the section on the Army-McCarthy hearings to see how it ends, and you many want to change your tone. Because just about the most anti-American action any citizen can take is to call for an unsubstantiated probe into finding out who’s anti-American.

I’d ask you, Michele Bachmann, if you had any decency, but it’s apparent you do not (and you probably wouldn’t get the reference anyway).

I have a message for my city: no more cutesy abbreviations for all of the new neighborhoods popping up around town.

Listen, this isn’t New York. They can give their city’s cool, hip areas nicknames like SoHo and TriBeCa, because, well, they’re cool and hip. But I don’t live in NYC. I live quite far from it, actually.

My city has been undergoing a construction boom in the last few years and now the people who live in these new downtown enclaves think it’s the bees knees to give their locales clever names. For example, visiting friends who live north of Lovejoy? Welcome to NoLo! Buying a condo on the south waterfront? SoWa’s your home now! Heading out to eat in North Portland? See you in NoPo!

As Barack Obama would say, “Enough!” I’m not just against these silly names because they’re annoying, but they imply a hipness factor that simply doesn’t exist. It’s fine for SoHo, because there actually is cool stuff south of Houston. Works for TriBeCa because the triangle below Canal street really does have interesting things to offer. But let me tell you, the south waterfront here is little more than half empty highrises, and North Portland has been “up and coming” for ten years.

So, please Portland, no more neighborhood nicknames. At least until SoWa is no longer “So Wha?”

It’s well-known by now that Sarah Palin loves to go moose hunting. But she looked more like a deer in headlights throughout much of her interview with ABC’s Charlie Gibson tonight. Her most notable stumble came when Gibson asked whether she agreed with the Bush Doctrine. After a pause and a blank stare (those headlights are bright) and some shifting in her chair, Palin fired back, “In what respect, Charlie?”

Gibson considered for a second about defining the Doctrine, but instead asked, “Well, what do you interpret it to be?” (Essentially, the Bush Doctrine says the United States has the right to preemptively strike another nation if the U.S. believes that nation is going to attack us.) Here’s Palin’s answer to Gibson’s question:

“I believe that what President Bush has attempted to do is rid this world of Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell-bent in destroying our nation. There have been blunders along the way, though. There have been mistakes made, and with new leadership, and that’s the beauty of American elections, of course, and democracy, is with new leadership comes opportunity to do things better.”

No mention of preemptive strikes in there. So, Gibson followed up. First by defining the Bush Doctrine, then by asking her again whether she agreed with it. Her reply:

“Charlie, if there is enough intelligent and legitimate evidence that tells us that a strike is imminent against American people, we have every right to defend our country.”

Gibson moved on with more foreign policy questions, specifically why being the Governor of Alaska makes her an expert on Russia.

Palin: We have to keep our eyes on Russia. Under the leadership there.

Gibson: What insight into Russian actions does the proximity of the state give you?

Palin: They’re our next door neighbors. And you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska.

Well, maybe I’ve been too quick to judge Mrs. Palin. I didn’t know you could actually see Russia from land in Alaska. I can see my neighbor’s house from land in my living room, but I can’t even claim to be an expert on what groceries they buy. However, that wasn’t even Palin silliest argument of the interview. That came when Gibson pressed her on whether she had the necessary experience to be VP.

Gibson: Have you ever met a foreign head of state?

Palin: I have not, and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you. But Charlie again, we gotta remember what the desire is in this nation at this time. It is for no more politics as usual and somebody’s big, fat resume maybe, that shows decades and decades in that Washngton establishment, where, yeah, they’ve had that opportunity to meet heads of state.

So, essentially her argument is, less (or no) experience is actually a virtue. “Hey, who needs all that experience meeting foreign leaders and traveling to other countries? I went to five colleges in six years, after all! Don’t you realize how many history classes I must have taken?” Not to mention her derisive comments about politicians was a direct swipe at her running mate. Following her logic, the voters don’t want someone exactly like John McCain.

Also, did you happen to catch her little slip there about asking other vice presidents? Kick back there Sarah. You’re not the VP yet.